Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
