dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
