i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
A+ Viking dick
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
