There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
