I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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