ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
