The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
