What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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