His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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