There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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