i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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