there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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