is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
