I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
