I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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