This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
