As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
