I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
