At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize