I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
