Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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