He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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