Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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