Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
