we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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