i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
