I'm going to jail i love you
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
