good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
NoShamevember. You game?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
