Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
