so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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