i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
it's great music for shaving your balls
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
