hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
