Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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