I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Farmville is her only friend.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
