He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
