Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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