It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
