after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
