You just made me feel so damn special
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
