I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
