my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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