I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
