Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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