are you so shy because you have an std?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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