She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
