I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
