when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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