Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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