Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
