Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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