I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Dear god my vagina.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
