You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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