We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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