"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
