UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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