Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
