covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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