Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
