god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
