I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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