i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The uberlube is also flammable
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
