Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
