I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
