3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
