I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
