I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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