I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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