My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
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