i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
