i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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