I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
