your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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