You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
