just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i love accidental penises.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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